How the pain from Estrangement can be eased

Health & Relationships | 8 comments

Pain, pain everywhere pain. You may be the one or know of someone who has felt the deep pain of estrangement and alienation from another human being. I have. I cried for over 12 months daily. Though that was part of my process – my time came for healing.  The loss however to me was heart-breaking. But the pain of estrangement can be eased

We are in a sad time in our world where estrangement has become commonplace.  Family dynamics have been such that this is the normal reaction to practice what has also happened to themselves. There are however some situations of those who choose to abuse which is not a situation to be tolerated.

Separation from a loved one brings sadness and grief

There is never an easy answer when one is apart from a loved one.  These can be caused by a multitude of conflicts, misunderstandings, character differences, ignorance, wrong accusations and other  -human things-. They bring a lot of pain. A separation ensues whether emotional, physical or both and one or both draw apart.

Even though not so painful is when family members draw apart slowly.  This happens over the
years without contact. When one wishes for support – the gap has been widened
too far.

How the pain of estrangement can be eased

What helps:
  • Seek professional advice – whether a Doctor, Counsellor, Therapist or other related professional. They have ways you haven’t thought of to begin a healing journey.
  • Let a friend with a sympathetic or understanding ear be a ready listener for times when you need to get it out on a more personal level. Thank your friend for their help during your difficult time. They are priceless with their support.
  • Although time does help, healing is what is a hopeful aim.
  • Remember that the grieving time for loss is a process – so don’t rush, nor think you have to react in accordance with what others may think. Your grief is yours. Don’t worry what another person may think of you. You know yourself – stick with that.
  • Know that you are not a bad person, it is not a reflection of you – often it can be a reflection of their behavior
  • Life goes on – even without that person in it.  Yes – it is sad. Be at peace.
  • Respect and value yourself. You are worth a lot.  Remember that.
  • Think of yourself and also increase relationships with others – it helps in the process sometimes to take your mind off the sad parts.
  • Have empathy for the other person – so as to refrain from bitterness. It takes the hard yards – but it helps you heal. Do this as you are ready.
  • Seek out interests in your life – education, creativity, community and faith-filled expression. It helps you grow and mature through your problem. Re-learn a passion for life.
  • Reach out to those going through similar situations at traditional times and birthdays during the year.  This brings care out to others going through hard times of the same nature.
  • Practice forgiveness – not for them – but for your healing.
  • When heartbreak is over (and yes it comes) spend time thinking about how you can help others.  Those who cry from starvation, those dying without medical help, those who do not have an education like we have.
  • Practice giving as much love as you are able and remember receiving love from those around you at this stage in your life is precious.

“The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.” Mother Teresa 

A blog post worth reading if you are estranged from a daughter is from Bernadette who inspires on how she has come through her estrangement to better times. I myself am in such a situation  but agree with Bernadette:

“If God takes you to it, he will take you through it.”

Deborah Hunter Kells

I have a wide range of interests and the top of my list is people and relationships. I appreciate our big wide world and nature which tries so hard to deal with what we do to it. I enjoy learning and am a “forever student”. I would love to hear about you and what you have experienced – that one or both of us may learn.

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